Crimson Wolves

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Crimson Wolves

Post by Moonreaper666 on 19/6/2016, 21:50

Remember the Crimson Slaughter (formerly known as the Crimson Sabres) and their fall to Chaos, well what if the same thing happens to the Space Wolves Legion during the Horus Heresy?

Crimson Wolves
Size: 666 Marines

Will be Edited later for more backstory

EDIT 1:

The Blood God Khorne, amused at the slaughter of the Children of Tzeentch, offered the Wolves of Fenris a most ironic of gifts. Primarch Leman Russ looks at his sons and sees the horrific effect of the gift.

The Entire VI Legion suddenly is able to hear the voices of all those that they've slain. Men, women, children, human and alien; the constant screaming and wailing from the departed proved too much for the Wolves to bear.

Suddenly, the Space Wolves began attacking the Custodes and Sisters of Silence. The spilling of blood temporarily quelling the voices of their heads!

Unable to stop his Legion, Russ runs into the wilderness to be stranded on Prospero. Constantine Valdor and everybody else slaughtered by the Craze Wolves. With the planet culled of life, the Space Wolves head out with their fleet, scattering to the nearby systems to spill more blood to soothe their madness!

Renaming themselves the Crimson Wolves, the scattered Legion soon fought against those loyal to the God-Emperor! The Dark Angels and Imperial Fists become their primary enemies throughout the Heresy.

A few elements fought in both the Schism of Mars and the Battle of Terra. The defenders were bolstered by elements of the Raven Guard and Salamanders. Ultimately they were lost the Heresy, but at a grave cost to the Imperium of Man.

The Blood Angels lose so many Astartes that they couldn't even fill a Single Chapter, let alone creating Successors. The Imperial Fists were so bloodied at Terra that they were eventually wiped out by their bitter enemies, the Iron Warriors, during the Battle of the Iron Cage!

Fenris was cleansed by the Imperium of Man

Eventually, the Crimson Wolves Legion disintegrated during the Great Scouring. Most of the crazed Astartes end up joining either the World Eaters, Word Bearers or the reformed Black Legion under Warmaster Abaddon (who doesn't spend as much time in exile and reforms the Sons of Horus before they lost most of their Astartes and Equipment)

When the 1st Black Crusade commenced, the remaining Crimson Wolves fought the Iron Hands for the final time, mutual self-destruction for both remnants.

Chaos wins and invades other Sci-Fi Unverses, The End!




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Re: Crimson Wolves

Post by Farseer Amathar on 21/6/2016, 01:41

First off, as I've been forgetting lately; my standard disclaimer: I am always for new fan fiction, regardless of quality. When it comes to offering help, I like to ask questions or point out what I percieve as flaws, but I do so with the intent to provoke thought, not to discourage. Sometimes I'm unimaginative and can't think of better synonyms so I use phrases such as "bothers me" or "I dislike." Once again, please don't let this discourage you, it is just me being unimaginative. In order to not discourage people, I always try to offer a few suggestions (though I don't always have the suggestions to offer) to answer each of my questions/ comments, but do not feel limited to my suggestions, as they are not the only answers. That said, you can choose to ignore any or all of my questions and comments, because you are the author, not me. If you like something that I say I don't like, then keep it. (Just say: To the warp with what (I) say, (I'm) just some pointy-eared space hippie who was exposed to the warp for too long. What do (I) know? ;D)

Moonreaper666 wrote:Remember the Crimson Slaughter (formerly known as the Crimson Sabres) and their fall to Chaos, well what if the same thing happens to the Space Wolves Legion during the Horus Heresy?

Crimson Wolves
Size: 666 Marines

You know the mark of the beast, if you talk to biblical scholars isn't really about that specific number, but any indexing system implinted by governments to keep track of its citizens. In many ways, if (if you are an American) your social security number can be considered 'the mark of the beast.' As can the racial-indexing system employed in Nazi-Germany.

Moonreaper666 wrote:
EDIT 1:

The Blood God Khorne, amused at the slaughter of the Children of Tzeentch, offered the Wolves of Fenris a most ironic of gifts. Primarch Leman Russ looks at his sons and sees the horrific effect of the gift.

The Entire VI Legion suddenly is able to hear the voices of all those that they've slain. Men, women, children, human and alien; the constant screaming and wailing from the departed proved too much for the Wolves to bear.

Suddenly, the Space Wolves began attacking the Custodes and Sisters of Silence. The spilling of blood temporarily quelling the voices of their heads!
Wait, why focus on those two, first? I haven't gotten to Prospero Burns yet, were they at the Burning of Prospero and that is why? The Custodes are almost exclusively found where around the Emperor. If you're an American, think of the Secret Service. They might go ahead of the Emperor to secure the location of where he is travelling to. But unless Big E is around, you're not likely to see a Custodes. The Sisters of Silence are also pretty rare. They show up to assassinate known psychic threats, but mostly stay aboard their black ships doing the work that... well the black ships will still be doing ten millennia later. Wouldn't the Imperial Navy go first? After all, I think the Space Wolves have been portrayed as always being close to their human battle-allies and it would be quite ironic to see them turn and slaughter 'innocent humans' like the Space Wolves always try to 'avoid.'

Moonreaper666 wrote:Unable to stop his Legion, Russ runs into the wilderness to be stranded on Prospero. Constantine Valdor and everybody else slaughtered by the Craze Wolves. With the planet culled of life, the Space Wolves head out with their fleet, scattering to the nearby systems to spill more blood to soothe their madness!

Renaming themselves the Crimson Wolves, the scattered Legion soon fought against those loyal to the God-Emperor! The Dark Angels and Imperial Fists become their primary enemies throughout the Heresy.
I can't tell if I like this part or not. I don't like the scattering of the legion, as I feel that weakens them against any Loyalist Legion. It wouldn't be hard for The Lion or somebody to take a sizable force of his Legion and then hunt down the Crimson Wolves warbands individually, taking them out one-by-one until they're all dead. A little time consuming, but they have legions they can split and devote to this, guaranteeing they have the numbers advantage. It's why the shattering of the legions usually takes place later or during the warp.

Moonreaper666 wrote:A few elements fought in both the Schism of Mars and the Battle of Terra. The defenders were bolstered by elements of the Raven Guard and Salamanders. Ultimately they were lost the Heresy, but at a grave cost to the Imperium of Man.

The Blood Angels lose so many Astartes that they couldn't even fill a Single Chapter, let alone creating Successors. The Imperial Fists were so bloodied at Terra that they were eventually wiped out by their bitter enemies, the Iron Warriors, during the Battle of the Iron Cage!
Why? Especially for the Blood Angels? But under what battles? When and where do they engage?

Moonreaper666 wrote:Fenris was cleansed by the Imperium of Man

Eventually, the Crimson Wolves Legion disintegrated during the Great Scouring. Most of the crazed Astartes end up joining either the World Eaters, Word Bearers or the reformed Black Legion under Warmaster Abaddon (who doesn't spend as much time in exile and reforms the Sons of Horus before they lost most of their Astartes and Equipment)
I want an expansion here as well. With what forces, you've severely limited what would have been used in The Scouring. How did you loose so bad and why did Abbadon not go into Exile? I don't see a connection between Wolves going rabid and Abbadon's reaction to Horus' defeat. Is there something I'm missing?

Moonreaper666 wrote:When the 1st Black Crusade commenced, the remaining Crimson Wolves fought the Iron Hands for the final time, mutual self-destruction for both remnants.
Hmm. You need to elaborate on earlier conflicts to allude to the Iron Hands beating the Wolves back the first time, for this to really have an effect here.

Moonreaper666 wrote:Chaos wins and invades other Sci-Fi Unverses, The End!
You need to work on your endings. What was the plan presented in Cabal? That was the most likely end to Chaos ruling over the material plane: it kills itself off. The Rebel is nothing without The Man to rebel against. If Chaos does win then what is the pay off? A Crossover? Sounds like a bad plan to rip off the Avengers movies... No, you should make it something better. I'm thinking the Necron awake and suddenly remember their older, pre-retcon plan to literally shut off Chaos from the material plane as it seeks to envelop the entire material plane into itself. War won with better war! Really keeps the spirit of the war-torn 40k setting.

Alright, time for my final over-view. I found your ideas on the End Times were more interesting. But, that's just an opinion. Your endings need work and I'd like to see things fleshed out more, so try and give more details. You are obviously good at playing the falling dominoes game of logic with 'what-if' scenarios (Elseworlds for you DC Fans), but I'd like to see you connect the dots a little bit better. What you've given us here is a good outline for a story, not the fan-fiction itself. Each line you give could easily be turned into a paragraph about the event, maybe even an entire text-wall (much like my post now Laughing ). It depends on the framing device you use. One of these days, I want to see you go back to one of your fan fiction articles and turn the outline into a long-form written story. Or not. Maybe playing with the ideas is more fun for you, and I can respect that.

Either way, I'm looking forward to your next Edit or Expansion.
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Re: Crimson Wolves

Post by Lucarus on 21/6/2016, 04:23

My input, what Amathar missed:

Moonreaper666 wrote:amused at the slaughter of the Children of Tzeentch

The Thousand Sons were not yet aligned with Tzeentch. This happened after the Burning of Prospero.
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Re: Crimson Wolves

Post by Moonreaper666 on 21/6/2016, 08:33

Lucarus wrote:My input, what Amathar missed:

Moonreaper666 wrote:amused at the slaughter of the Children of Tzeentch

The Thousand Sons were not yet aligned with Tzeentch. This happened after the Burning of Prospero.

Actually Tzeentch already set his 'eyes' on the Thousand Sons. Magnus first deal with the Deceiver, to save his Legion from the flesh-change, was during the Great Crusade

Unlike the Crimson Sabres, the Wolves live longer, killed more and more numerous. The Voices is going to drive them insane faster.

Without the leadership of their Primarch, the curse would have broken down any organization within the Legion.

The addition of several Crimson Wolves warband in the Battle of Mars would have cause extra casualties on the Imperial Fists. Furthermore, less supplies makes it way back to Terra as Mars falls to the Dark Mechanicum much faster.

The Crimson Wolves along with the World Eaters would have thrown themselves at the walls of the Imperial Palace. Due to the fact that the Blood Angels are the primary defenders they lose more Astartes than the IF and White Scars.

During the Second Founding, the Blood Angels could not split themselves due to having less than a thousand Marines.

During the Iron Cage incident, a smaller force of Iron Warriors killed the majority of Imperial Fists. Survivors are splitted into Chapters.

Since they took extra casualties on Mars and Terra, Dorn and his Sons couldn'f last enough until the Smurfs rescue them.

With only Seven Astartes Legions loyal the Imperium, the Great Scouring is less successful and more bloody for the Imperium.

Segmentum Obscurus is largely undefended.

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Re: Crimson Wolves

Post by Lucarus on 21/6/2016, 08:52

Yes, but Tzeentch didn't claim the legion until after the events of Prospero. He can look all he wants, but it doesn't change the fact they weren't sworn to Tzeentch yet. The fact that Horus needed to trick Russ into destroying Prospero to ensure Magnus' loyalty or removal kind of implies that the Thousand Sons weren't already chaos. Along with the fact that Magnus had tried to warn the Emperor about chaos, which is why Russ was sent to Prospero to begin with. The only reason the sacking began is because Horus contacted Russ and tricked him into believing that the Emperor had changed his mind.
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Re: Crimson Wolves

Post by Farseer Amathar on 21/6/2016, 19:30

Moonreaper666 wrote:Actually Tzeentch already set his 'eyes' on the Thousand Sons. Magnus first deal with the Deceiver, to save his Legion from the flesh-change, was during the Great Crusade
Lucarus isn't wrong on this one.  You could just switch it to Khorn was pleased with the Wolves foiling the plans of Tzeentch to get a legion of his own or something similar.

Moonreaper666 wrote:Unlike the Crimson Sabres, the Wolves live longer, killed more and more numerous. The Voices is going to drive them insane faster.

Without the leadership of their Primarch, the curse would have broken down any organization within the Legion.

The addition of several Crimson Wolves warband in the Battle of Mars would have cause extra casualties on the Imperial Fists. Furthermore, less supplies makes it way back to Terra as Mars falls to the Dark Mechanicum much faster.
This is my first real complaint with this addition.  How did the Wolves make their way to Mars so early?  I was under the impression that Mars went into Civil War shortly after the Istavaan Drop-Site Massacre, around the time the Eisenstein was making contact with Rogal Dorn (maybe even a little before the events of Flight of the Eisenstein.

Moonreaper666 wrote:The Crimson Wolves along with the World Eaters would have thrown themselves at the walls of the Imperial Palace. Due to the fact that the Blood Angels are the primary defenders they lose more Astartes than the IF and White Scars.

During the Second Founding, the Blood Angels could not split themselves due to having less than a thousand Marines.

During the Iron Cage incident, a smaller force of Iron Warriors killed the majority of Imperial Fists. Survivors are splitted into Chapters.

Since they took extra casualties on Mars and Terra, Dorn and his Sons couldn'f last enough until the Smurfs rescue them.

With only Seven Astartes Legions loyal the Imperium, the Great Scouring is less successful and more bloody for the Imperium.

Segmentum Obscurus is largely undefended.
No real complaints.  Makes for a decent outline of an alternate-take or alternate-universe story for 40k.

I only have one real comment, yet sadly I do not know the aphorism that is appropriate for writing.  In the movies, they have a saying: Show, don't Tell.  It means rather than have a character explain what is going on, find some way to visually represent the effects or event to the audience in order to keep them engaged.  In Video Games the saying goes something like "Experience, don't show" meaning find some way for the gamer to experience the event or effect through gameplay, rather than being forced to sit through a cutscene in which they have no interaction.  In a book you want to do a version of this where you show the more strange plot-points or outlandish plot-points through the actual story.  It's easy to argue against a plot-point when you see it as an entry in an outline of a story.  To this day I still hate the Cabal and their 'better farseering than Farseers despite having an Eldar Autarch on their team, not a Farseer - but were still wrong' but it was executed well-enough in the book that many people might not have noticed the clash with the wider or established setting - or in my case it was executed so well I give it a pass despite still disliking it.  Lucan is right, I missed the point about the Thousand Sons being Tzeentchian at that point in the lore, but this is your fiction and I was hoping you could find a slightly different way to describe it (while keeping the core of the events) so it doesn't stick out so bad.  That's also part of that 'fleshing things out' I was talking about earlier.
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